what was
is not what Is
what was
then and now
is what it IS
this is an admission that only a lover can make.
i do not love you.
you were in Love, with a capital L
i wasn't. we made Love
in making proofs, but
could not prove
that love was ours
its the very nature of desire
tied up
not tied down
un captive
every radical free!
as caricature
i did try to fool myself,
not like the fool does the crowd
but like the cynic, himself
being away and near
and taking up too much
inner and outer
and outside space
all
without the sense to
give measure
get close and watch ones breath in
that reflection on the screen
a time/place where
i tire of watching my hair grow
into black
more a color to your parents
than christ's royal purple hue
that you saw it as
in your dreams
wherein natural, real light
denotes color but cannot
because it
does not
filter past i-am image
within your
hungry venus lids
that i did not want to water
and knew better than to
be John capital iS SHADE
Nabokov gave a lecture on Kafka
not the other way around
?you wanna know how i know?
because he was alone
because it happened to him
because of I of victimhood
always his own experience
he could not disown
as ive been told
great writers do
yet he is constant change
without placing
love's arrows too slow to ever be overtaken
a saint sebastian surrounded but not pierced
always before the cusp of martyrdom
if a great scribe
spits out and away from experience
witha high without spin
the percentage of divorce rate
then what do you make of a man
who
aesthetically
lives at a distance from his own
experience?
wait wait wait wait!!
this isnt about alienation
or her story, its his story, personally documented
in the herenow
my first american sign language
"no smoking"
already negation
4 year old hours
fresh and off the eros plane
back on then off
started smoking
grandmother first mother
lungs full of fireplace meals
so that 8 children
and one man who drank
and could not read
filled up, filled out
scattered , cried out
then buried her
but i still keep smoking
and so did she
perfect crimes
victims
and accomplices
ever without a murderer
we hardly ever spoke in the same
dialectical nationalism
make a writer out of me
a writer
a role
i act out
when for me communion is vertiginous blue sky
anchors are ash blond curtains
single curvilinear strands tether
set against
that moment in my memory of beauty real
the only way id like to picture you
without language
i watched you fail,
you continue to do so
we spat on each others heroes
you clearly defending dada
i clearly overstanding
the bomb into
limbless classical sculpture
the valuelessness of fortifying
positions that are never possession
just strategy
but i gave chase
for its own sake
substance seeming
when the whole of history
isnt
you can be selective
resource full
we both wipe the white spit into our archives of information
while trying to wipe if off
still i uncatalouge no RE- ves?
of course i cared
i held, encouraged
supported
empathized
sustained exchanged
valued devalued forgot reminded
played the domestic
made breakfast
kissed
shook
shook
shook
poured cold water from the tap then onto you
watered
so that you will make it to school in time,
your classmates hadnt seen you, you teachers estranged
i put more value on that than our own estrangement
because proximity is nothing and distance is more
it tore at my weakest columns
and that morning i crumbled
you didnt just get out of bed, you awoke
to the realization that someone does
love you enough to know not to stop
become miserable in failure
actually fail
and concede the enterprise continue
by the enterprise itself
to let it be grown
is not what Is
what was
then and now
is what it IS
this is an admission that only a lover can make.
i do not love you.
you were in Love, with a capital L
i wasn't. we made Love
in making proofs, but
could not prove
that love was ours
its the very nature of desire
tied up
not tied down
un captive
every radical free!
as caricature
i did try to fool myself,
not like the fool does the crowd
but like the cynic, himself
being away and near
and taking up too much
inner and outer
and outside space
all
without the sense to
give measure
get close and watch ones breath in
that reflection on the screen
a time/place where
i tire of watching my hair grow
into black
more a color to your parents
than christ's royal purple hue
that you saw it as
in your dreams
wherein natural, real light
denotes color but cannot
because it
does not
filter past i-am image
within your
hungry venus lids
that i did not want to water
and knew better than to
be John capital iS SHADE
Nabokov gave a lecture on Kafka
not the other way around
?you wanna know how i know?
because he was alone
because it happened to him
because of I of victimhood
always his own experience
he could not disown
as ive been told
great writers do
yet he is constant change
without placing
love's arrows too slow to ever be overtaken
a saint sebastian surrounded but not pierced
always before the cusp of martyrdom
if a great scribe
spits out and away from experience
witha high without spin
the percentage of divorce rate
then what do you make of a man
who
aesthetically
lives at a distance from his own
experience?
wait wait wait wait!!
this isnt about alienation
or her story, its his story, personally documented
in the herenow
my first american sign language
"no smoking"
already negation
4 year old hours
fresh and off the eros plane
back on then off
started smoking
grandmother first mother
lungs full of fireplace meals
so that 8 children
and one man who drank
and could not read
filled up, filled out
scattered , cried out
then buried her
but i still keep smoking
and so did she
perfect crimes
victims
and accomplices
ever without a murderer
we hardly ever spoke in the same
dialectical nationalism
make a writer out of me
a writer
a role
i act out
when for me communion is vertiginous blue sky
anchors are ash blond curtains
single curvilinear strands tether
set against
that moment in my memory of beauty real
the only way id like to picture you
without language
i watched you fail,
you continue to do so
we spat on each others heroes
you clearly defending dada
i clearly overstanding
the bomb into
limbless classical sculpture
the valuelessness of fortifying
positions that are never possession
just strategy
but i gave chase
for its own sake
substance seeming
when the whole of history
isnt
you can be selective
resource full
we both wipe the white spit into our archives of information
while trying to wipe if off
still i uncatalouge no RE- ves?
of course i cared
i held, encouraged
supported
empathized
sustained exchanged
valued devalued forgot reminded
played the domestic
made breakfast
kissed
shook
shook
shook
poured cold water from the tap then onto you
watered
so that you will make it to school in time,
your classmates hadnt seen you, you teachers estranged
i put more value on that than our own estrangement
because proximity is nothing and distance is more
it tore at my weakest columns
and that morning i crumbled
you didnt just get out of bed, you awoke
to the realization that someone does
love you enough to know not to stop
become miserable in failure
actually fail
and concede the enterprise continue
by the enterprise itself
to let it be grown
